Thoughts on the half-shell

{ June 17, 2006 @ 20:23 } · { Archives }

Wild Horses by the Stones comes to me from an fm station..easily breaking through my lost in thought mood. It’s a tune I’ve not heard in way too long. The song lolls my brain into remembering a time when the days melded into nights..one after the other…when the tip of a needle sliding under my skin and into my oh so protected veins was still a relatively novel experience for me. I hadn’t realised yet how it would hang onto me..its grip on my very life-force..unrelenting..for decades to come. Refusing to let go with its dark whispers and promises of “I’ll make it all better..I’ll make it all go away..forever and ever..and day after day.”

No thing will ever offer you more.

The music played on..coaxing the memories to come. Of a a sweet young man dancing on his mothers rosewood dining room table top..in his purple with black shooting stars..UK bikini underwear..and made to measure green spanish-leather cowboy boots. Fine boots they were..with even finer sexy flamenco-like heels moving up & down..up & down to the beat of some ‘Ten Years After’ song. That he was yelled at for leaving scuff marks behind on the poilished wood was little price to pay for the pleasure we had..the laughter and mad love we made afterwards…we were lost in each others bodies..lost in our own high minds..arms and legs entwined..intoxicating smells and it all seemed to go on forever..into endless nights and tomorrows. As promised.

And we were..for all the insanity of the day..of the times..so very interconnected.

I will always adore the old songs for that..for their ability to transport me back in time to a better..still believing and very alive place.

The dark almost moonless night is now comfortably cool after a hot & humid day. The heat comes on so suddenly these last years..it bombards..too extreme..no more the slow shifting of the seasons I remember so fondly from my childhood. Like the freeze..the summer too leaves no time inbetween for the blood to acclimate..no real spring and fall anymore. We should replace those two seasons with words like leap & shock. Yes..then the seasons would be Winter, Leap, Summer & Shock..that would be more honest..more like it really is.

Front & rear windows rolled down..allowing the thick stagnant finally cooled air of earlier to waft its way across sticky seats. Seeming to instinctively seek out my still damp & sweaty skin..drying me as it works its way to release through the passenger side & back windows…cooling me. The lone car I’m driving heads as if self-propelled down a quiet street whose once bright windows have all now grown dark..giving one..at least the appearance..the souls inside are bedded down peacfully for the night. As I drive slowly past them I wonder at that..at how peacfully some of them really are sleeping..if at all. How many lie with eyes wide shut..staring at ceilings..tense..quiet not to wake whomever lies beside them..thought after thought quelling any hope of their finding peace on this night.

How many..probably far more than I think..I was them once..albeit briefly..yet enough so I know.

It is late and I am driving towards the meeting..the dealer..the man..one of manyservers of brief delight and a liftime of pain. To he who can hand me my own idea of satisfaction in a papered powder that will help me get sleep on this night. It is ritualistic in nature this regimented routine of ours..of all dopers & addicts..it is the part of the game we are addicted to as much as the drug itself…this established pattern..this sacred custom…that any who do not partake of it would think insane…and they would be right. This point in time where goods and cash quickly exchange hands..anticpation building..blood pounding..knowing release is in the coming. Soon..so so soon.

Only to start it all over again.

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To hear Wild Horses Click Here and either click ‘Download or Play Now’ a new smaller window will open..the song will load and then play.

Lyrics:

Childhood living is easy to do
The things you wanted I bought them for you
Graceless lady you know who I am
You know I can’t let you slide through my hands

Wild horses couldn’t drag me away
Wild, wild horses, couldn’t drag me away

I watched you suffer a dull aching pain
Now you decided to show me the same
No sweeping exits or offstage lines
Could make me feel bitter or treat you unkind

Wild horses couldn’t drag me away
Wild, wild horses, couldn’t drag me away

I know I dreamed you a sin and a lie
I have my freedom but I don’t have much time
Faith has been broken, tears must be cried
Let’s do some living after we die

Wild horses couldn’t drag me away
Wild, wild horses, we’ll ride them some day

Wild horses couldn’t drag me away
Wild, wild horses, we’ll ride them some day

Wild Horses by
(M. Jagger/K. Richards)