Cha cha changes..movement in the trenches

Featured Artist: Stephanie Bush

The painting ‘Bound’ from her ‘Mosiac’ series.

'Bound' by Stephanie Bush

If you’ve reached a place in your life where your every fiber and instinct screams must do something to facilitate a change before your ‘winter,’ or forever hold you tongue. I think things have to get ugly before they can get better. By ‘ugly’ I mean you have to dare venture into the uncomfortable places..the places most people ignore..bury or deny exist within themselves.

It’s simply too awkward..embarrassing and disquieting. Some of us would rather live with the consequence of dieing before having really lived..then risk stirring that pot.

It boils down to the human emotion of fear..we fear that which challenges us to change what we don’t like. Conning ourselves by believing we are comfortable as we are. And when we get too comfortable in a role (no matter the role be negative) we tend to cacoon ourselves within the gates of its false safety.

It’s confusing..this state of acceptance some of us find ourselves waking up to half-way through life. Not a phenomenon unique to the addicted at all…no..many find themselves facing this dilemma. The housewife whose children are leaving for college..suddenly her role is no more..she realises she is unfullfilled..unhappy..unhusbanded…unaware.

A professional man who has lived his life in pursuit of ‘the dream,’ wakes to find himself alone in his perfectly decorated condominium. Staring at the back of yet another peroxide blonde headed sleeping stranger. He longs for the smells, sounds and simplicity of his childhood. A hot breakfast wafting from a bustling kitchen and loud cartoons to invade his noisy all the world he can think of now.

The drug addict drifting in and out of reality..recalling vaguely a time his tank didn’t need a grand assortment of chemicals to start his day..holding on to the dream of a perfect world..waking briefly to one of war & roses…until his next stop at the filling station takes him back from whence he once came.

Of course not all of us reach this type of are content with the direction their worlds are taking and see no need for a soul-searching trek into the labyrinth of their scary future. Still others could care less..stopped asking questions or demanding proof of their lives lifetimes ago. But for those of us not so peace..or willing to give up..we have a choice to make. Do we stay where we are..stunt our evolutionary process..or do we make a move..go for transformation..listen to the constant drumming of our regret…finish what we started and be damned the karma.

Not only do we have that choice to make..but we are then faced with the question of ‘Can we do it,’ do we know how..have we the stamina needed…the faith? It will not come naturally like it did in our youth..this change of life we seek. No..we’ve been stagnating for too long..content to stay in our quagmires of bullshit..societal classes and programming. Long gone is the blind faith of our youth..the raging hormones to shoot us blissful ingnorant confidence to help us reach our growth potential. In youth (haphazard as it were) least we had those natural compadres to help us through.

Is it even something we can plan for..or is it a crapshoot..this better reconstructed existense we seek..would we…will we..even recognise it..if and when we reach our new & improved regenerated..revitalized and better selves?

I ask you…

Is there life after discovering you’ve not really been living life?


  1. mary_bc Said:

    Hey Renegade,

    Never an easy journey this life thing, and as individual as it’s still good to know there are others out there making similar ones.

    I’m convinced with a little effort, a lot of faith and our noses pointed in the right direction..we’ll find our ways back to a ‘happy medium’ kinda place.

  2. mary_bc Said:

    Wine Blog,

    I’m thinking there has to be a group for that kind of addiction. Yep..I’m sure of it.

  3. clubpenguin Said:

    Hey everyone! I’m back from New Jersey, and fully got the website up to date, and I even finished screenshotting all the catalogs I still needed to do! So starting tomorrow, I’ll be working on that. I hope to be done with all the catalogs by the end of July, although I have nearly 300 MB of catalog pictures to upload…..

    Anyway, we updated a ton of pages. They Club Penguin fansite include the following lists/guides: Club Penguin Event Log, Item List, and the Dance/Wave/Sit List

    And the following pages: Servers, Elite Penguin Force, (with a new video) Issue 194, Club Penguin Blog, Desktop Backgrounds, Website Banners, and 101 Days of Fun. Enjoy!

  4. wine blog Said:

    It’s bad enough I think about sex every few seconds but then I have bloggers like you posting cha cha’s!

  5. Aid Renegade Said:

    I love this post! I’m in a rut just as you descibe with life not being very fullfilling. This rut has lasted 6 years & changed my values & what I’d like to do with my life in the future. now I’m trying to figure out how to get where I want to be.

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