Featured Artist: Stephanie Bush
The painting ‘Bound’ from her ‘Mosaic’ series.
If you’ve reached a place in your life where your every fiber and instinct screams discontent..you must do something to facilitate a change before your ‘winter,’ or forever hold you tongue. I think things have to get ugly before they can get better. By ‘ugly’ I mean you have to dare venture into the uncomfortable places..the places most people ignore..bury or deny exist within themselves.
It’s simply too awkward..embarrassing and disquieting. Some of us would rather live with the consequence of dieing before having really lived..then risk stirring that pot or casting that die.
It boils down to the human emotion of fear..we fear that which challenges us to change what we don’t like. Conning ourselves by believing we are comfortable as we are. And is when we get too comfortable in a role (no matter the role be negative, (which it usually is) we tend to cocoon ourselves within the gates of its false safety…bravado.
It’s confusing..this state of acceptance some of us find ourselves waking up to half-way through life. Not a phenomenon unique to the addicted at all…no..many find themselves facing this dilemma. The housewife whose children are leaving for college..suddenly her role is no more..she realizes she is unfulfilled..unhappy..un-husbanded…unaware.
A professional man who has lived his life in pursuit of ‘the dream,’ wakes to find himself alone in his perfectly decorated condominium. Staring at the back of yet another peroxide blonde headed sleeping stranger. He longs for the smells, sounds and simplicity of his childhood. A hot breakfast wafting from a bustling kitchen and loud cartoons to invade his noisy silence..is all the world he can think of now.
The drug addict drifting in and out of reality..recalling vaguely a time his tank didn’t need a grand assortment of chemicals to start his or her day..holding on to the dream of a perfect world..waking briefly to the old world of war & roses…until his next stop at the filling station takes him back to the safety of the dream from whence he came.
Of course not all of us reach this type of plateau..no..many are content with the direction their worlds are taking and see no need for a soul-searching trek into the labyrinth of their scary future. Still others could care less..stopped asking questions or demanding proof of their lives lifetimes ago. Gave in, succumbed to what life threw at them. But for those of us not so settled..at peace..or willing to give up..we have a choice to make. Do we stay where we are..stunt our evolutionary process..or do we make a move..go for transformation..listen to the constant drumming of our regret…finish what we started and be damned the karma.
Not only do we have that choice to make..but we are then faced with the question of ‘Can we do it,’ do we know how..have we the stamina needed…the faith? It will not come naturally like it did in our youth..this change of life we seek. No..we’ve been stagnating for too long..content to stay in our quagmires of bullshit..societal classes and programming. Long gone is the blind faith of our youth..the raging hormones that shoot us forth almost unaware..no blissful ignorant confidence to help us reach our growth potential. In youth (haphazard as it were)..at least we had those natural compadres to escort us through.
Is it even something we can plan for..or is it a crap-shoot..this better reconstructed existence we seek..would we…will we..even recognize it..if and when we reach our new & improved regenerated..revitalized and better selves?
I ask you…
Is there life after discovering you’ve not really been living at all?