When we say I wouldn’t have…

it any other way, much of the time that’s not quite true is it? Fact is we cannot have it any other way so we accept, agree, give in. It’s like when I was drowning and life was slipping from me, I fought it with all I knew, denied, bargained, prayed. In the end, when I could no longer hold my breath and my bruised lungs forced the oxygen from my nostrils, lips, and pores, it was then, and only then that I agreed, acquiesced, and finally accepted, this was it, this is how I would die. Peace came over me as I drew the dark waters into my nose and lungs, the action somehow comforting, reminiscent of my time in the womb perhaps. There was no more debating, no more of here, this world, no more me as I knew myself to be. My eyes followed suit, and closed, my body relaxed, hands stopped searching, scratching for a way out, letting go of the locked seatbelt that would not give in to my frantic grabbing and attempts to unlock it. Thoughts became all about the moment, the second, the change, the next step into unconsciousness.

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